Monday, September 18, 2006

It's Fall TV Premier time!!!!

Thanks to badmachine at Fake Gay News for this helpful guide to gay girl fall programming...

Cable Channel for Lesbians Announces Fall Line-up

RICHMOND, VA - Lesbian television viewers in secondary markets will have a new entertainment channel devoted to them when LEZ-TV hits their cable boxes this fall. Following the success of urban, gay channels like MTV’s Logo, upstart broadcaster LEZ-TV hopes to grab its share of the lesbian pie with “genres we all know and love, just really ‘gayed-up,’” stated LEZ-TV President, Karen Welsh.

“Gay women in Richmond and Kansas City don’t have access to a lot of gay programming, unless you count Bravo,” Welsh explained. “One lesbian contestant or character per show isn’t enough for us. And why are there no lesbian meerkats on Meerkat Manor?”

Advertisers like Magic Cone, maker of disposable urination funnels, are please to hear audiences give LEZ-TV two thumbs up. “I can’t wait for fall!” said one woman. “Imagining queer subtext on CSI gets old, even if I do have a big crush on Marg Helgenberger.”

LEZ-TV’s fall line-up will include:

OUT TO SEA WITH CAPTAIN BEV: Watch as celebrities like Tammy Lynn Michaels, Sophia B. Hawkins and writer Camille Paglia battle sea sickness, stormy weather and each other to make the biggest catch of the day. Each week, former Merchant Marine and Alaskan fish charmer, Beverly Blank takes a celebrity fishing party out on her boat, the Ol’ Salty Girl, to see who can land the biggest halibut.

DYKE LAWYERS IN LOVE: Giving up fulfilling careers at the ACLU and the HRC wasn’t easy, but the attorneys of Trout, Cox, Manhair and Lee continue to fight the good fight – only now, they’re doing it for high profile clients and big retainers. Tensions run high between former underwear model-turned-tax attorney Nicole and her ex-lover, top litigator and bisexual bombshell Skylar. Sensitive, yet passionate Amy can hold her own in any courtroom, but not so much when it comes to the dating scene. And then there’s Jo, who has as much a way with the female clients as she does with tort reform.

WOMYN VS WOMYN: Who will be the next Melissa Etheridge or Cris Williamson? Wymyn musicians from across the country come together for an empowering, inclusive contest that in no way adheres to the aggressive, competitive paradigms of the patriarchy. Shot entirely on the grounds of the Michigan Womyn’s Music Festival, sisters in song vie for the Siren Moon Goddess Award through weekly elimination rounds, while their communal spirits are challenged during the three month contest, as all participants will be forced to live together in a yurt.

AND MOTHER MAKES THREE: Life for partners Lana Wynn and Kylie Young is happy and serene until the day Lana’s ultra-conservative, meddling mother moves in with them after a freak shuffleboard accident burns down her retirement home. Taking her in is the right thing to do, but there’s a hitch – Lana’s mother doesn’t know they’re gay! Can one house fit two lesbians, four cats, two dogs and a cantankerous Republican who insists on fixing her daughter up with every man she meets? Stay tuned to LEZ-TV to find out!

There must be material for another Krofft violation here...let me think....